Psalm 142: 1- 5 I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint, before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way…Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me.I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” (NIV)
I don’t know that I can even begin to comprehend what Mary must have experienced during her pregnancy and on her way to Bethlehem. What an honor to be chosen to bear the Messiah. How very difficult to be chosen to bear the Messiah. Thank God for her temporary “city of refuge” when she went to visit Elizabeth who didn’t doubt for a moment that the child within her had been conceived by the Holy Spirit. We can only imagine what she had experienced in her village before and after that visit. And then came the decree that she and Joseph would have to travel…third trimester, on foot, on a donkey, aching back, aching feet, concern for where Jesus would be born, concern about food and water for the journey, where they would sleep on the way, would she make it to Bethlehem before the birth—so many things on her mind. Did she pour out her heart? Did she lament? We know that after the shepherds visited the stable that “Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19) Webster’s Dictionary says that the word ponder means “to think or consider especially quietly, soberly, and deeply.” Was the visit of the shepherds as much for her as it was for them? Was this the moment that God showed up after her honest lamenting, the moment that He reminded her of his faithfulness in the past, of His goodness in the present, and of His power in the future? I don’t know, but I think it is possible. Did God choose her because she had an honest and authentic relationship with Him? Did God choose her because He knew she would move through the pain in her lament, or because He knew that she would worship in both the joyful moments and she would worship through crying out in the darkness? Did He choose her because she loved Him deeply and therefore was “real” in her relationship with Him? I know that God desires “real” from us. It’s the only way to have an authentic relationship with anyone, God included.
I believe with all I am that we can pour out what is going on inside of us to God BECAUSE He is our refuge. He is our safe place. He is safe. The words “save” and “safe” come from the same Latin word; therefore we can safely pour out our hearts to the safe God who saves. Let’s not be afraid to let it out and find our peace in Him.
Aside from where we are told that “Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart”, her only other words regarding her pregnancy that are recorded are found in her song. Her song begins, “My soul magnifies the Lord…” and continues in a tone of praise and adoration of God. There is nothing recorded of her lamenting…yet, there must have been moments where she “poured out her heart like water” (Lamentations 2:19) in the safety of the presence of the One she so glorified. I say “must have been” because I don’t believe we can get to a place where we pour out praise and glorify our God to the extent Mary was able to do without first traversing the valley of lamenting. Mary’s words in her song bubble over with joy, humility and gratitude. Luke 1:46-50 reads:
“Oh, how my soul magnifies the Lord. How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior! For he took notice of his lowly servant girl, and from now on all generations will call me blessed. For the Mighty One is holy, and he has done great things for me. He shows mercy from generation to generation to all who fear him.”
These are not the words of a heart that is lamenting but, rather, the words of one whose heart had lamented. The words of a woman whose soul found rest in God alone and came out of the refuge of His Presence with unshakable hope and the belief that her salvation and honor depended solely on Him.(Psalm 62:5-7).
Mary knew what it meant to trust God. To rely on Him as her place of refuge. She had to. Her situation was impossible, frightening and dangerous outside of the promises God had made to her. She had a choice. Would she trust her God with her life and her future? Would she believe Him over the voices around her that must have been loud and accusing? Would she continue to run to Him alone for refuge? She made a choice to say yes to the God who chose her. And out of the depth of her trust, we see a richness in her faith. I can only imagine the intimacy of relationship Mary shared with her Father… as a result of her willing yes. And, I believe, a willingness to be what she already was: vulnerable and real.
We don’t have any proof that Mary lamented. But based on the way she related to her God, I believe she did. Sometimes the evidence is in what was recorded and not what wasn’t. I believe Joseph had to be pretty great at lamenting, too, but that’s a thought for another time…
“The radicals and the revolutionaries and the reflective-they are the ones on the road, in the fields, on the wall, pointing to the dawn of the new Kingdom coming, pointing to the light that breaks through all things broken, pointing to redemption always rising and the Advent coming again. Brilliant people don’t deny the dark; they are the ones who never stop looking for His light in everything.”
I came across these words in my Advent devotional this morning. The whole four pages of today’s entry were captivating. I knew as I read it that there was something in there that connected to what we heard preached in church yesterday. But I couldn’t put my finger on it until this evening. When I returned to the devotion, the words about jumped off the page at me:
“Brilliant people don’t deny the dark; they are the ones who never stop looking for His light in everything.”
Isn’t that what pouring our hearts out authentically before God is?? When we honestly pour out our hearts in the safety of God’s presence, we are not only not denying the dark-we are acknowledging it. We are acknowledging the darkness around us-AND!-the darkness within us! Right? And when we do this-when we honestly acknowledge the dark and pour it out, what are we doing? Aren’t we looking for His light in everything?
If we bring all of our stuff to our very safe God who saves us–all of the ugly, all of the dark, all of the time–His light tears through our darkness, through the dark clouds of our soul, and we come away from our pouring out, our lamenting, brilliant. Brilliant because His light always overpowers our darkness. But we have to be willing to bring our darkness to Him before He can overpower it.
Brilliant people aren’t the independent, the self-made, the exceedingly intelligent ones. We are brilliant when we take our tarnished souls to the Light. When we let the dark clouds let go of their rain and “pour out [our] hearts like water in the presence of the Lord” (Lamentations 2:19). We can’t drive out our own darkness. We can’t brighten what’s tarnished on our own. Only the Light, the Truth, the unconditional Love we experience as we pour out our hearts can make us shine-can make us brilliant.
I love what Laura wrote. It reminds me of my favorite Martin Luther King Junior quote: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.” We must learn to bring our darkness to The Light. John’s sermon on learning to pour out our hearts, our lament as a form of worship was powerful. We don’t often think of lamenting as worship, and in our western Christianity mindset, we have a tendency to think that in order to be a good Christian, we need to have our act together and be “happy” at all times. However, if we look at the beautiful example of lamenting in scripture, we realize that what God truly desires is for us to bring our true, authentic, messy selves to Him. Only then, can we have a real relationship with Him. Anything else is just pretense.
And, in order to bring our true, authentic, messy selves to Him, we have to KNOW that He is our refuge, our safe place (Ps 142:5)…we have to KNOW that “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” (Ps 102: 17). We have to trust that He included lament in His word to let us know that He wants to meet us in that place.
In my own story, there was a time that I was certain that God did not want my messy self, so I tried to pretend like the darkness, the complaints, the discontent, the pain didn’t exist and did my best to bury it within. Well…darkness cannot drive out darkness, so it stayed within. I became numb to my feelings, I became critical, negative, and I became self-destructive. The darkness was not going to be driven out. As I grew in my relationship with the Lord, and realized that I don’t have to pretend (truly, He knows it all anyway), and I began to bring my pain, my questions, my wrestling to Him–that’s when He began His real work of transformation in my life.
Even as I write this, I can picture myself lying on the floor in the dark with worship music playing in the background, pouring out my heart to the Lord, sometimes with sobs, sometimes with fists pounding on the floor. And the beautiful thing–The Light comes. He meets me there. And then, the most incredible thing happens…gratitude. The realization that I am not alone, that He is with me, that He is faithful, that He cares. I don’t always get a “quick fix” or the answer that I desire, but I do get peace and an awareness of His presence, a closeness that is hard to find anywhere else. Like Jeremiah, I can pour out my “19 verses” of raw and real, and then say “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:21-23)
What about you? Have you experienced His great love, His brilliance in seasons of lament?