I thought I knew love…but I didn’t.
This weekend’s message began with these words. And my head nodded a silent “Me, too”. As John shared parts of his story, details of my own swirled in my mind. Along with a few familiar lines…
“What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more…” “I wanna know what love is…I want you to show me…”
These aren’t the usual songs that run through my head during church. It was a little distracting, because once the tunes started, it was hard to turn them off. But, as I did my best to not break out into 80’s rock ballad glory, I did think about how many songs have been written that relate to the question of the day,
How do you know what love is?
In a culture where we use the same word to describe our affinity for chocolate, our favorite jeans, our spouses and God, how do we begin to define what “love” actually is?
I was told “God is love” from a very young age. But what I saw and heard and felt from people who “loved” God didn’t seem very loving. And the God that was presented to me as a child wasn’t nearly as lovable as my favorite dessert. I sang “Jesus Loves Me” countless times. People I trusted told me God loved me, but the religious system I grew up in emphasized a big IF. I believed a lie as a toddler that grew deep roots all the way into my twenties.
God loves me IF I’m good enough…
But “good enough” is a moving target, isn’t it? I began to strive for perfection as a little girl–not only for God’s approval and love, but for everyone’s. I had bought the lie that had been modeled for me. One of John’s points in this weekend’s message was,
I thought I had to earn love…I don’t.
Believing the lie that I had to earn love wrote every page of my life story until God Himself took over control of the pen. I say “took over control”, but it wasn’t a hostile takeover. He didn’t get sick of me, sigh in exasperation and grab the pen from my hand. He only took over control when I released my grip and handed it over to Him. And that didn’t happen because He was persuasive, manipulative or domineering. He didn’t scare me into giving Him control. He loved me in the ways John put before us this weekend. He came for me the same way He instructed Hosea to go after Gomer (Hosea 3:1), the same way He went after His rebellious Israelite children (Hosea 11:1-4). I was the prostitute chasing other lovers, looking for approval and searching for love all the wrong ways and in all the wrong places. And He came for me not with judgement, not with condemnation, not even with a scolding tone. He came for me in subtleties. He didn’t chase me, He wooed me. He didn’t demand control of my life-He did request it. He didn’t shout, he whispered. He pursued my wandering heart this way until I realized that I had always been chosen by Him-and I now had the choice to choose Him in return. In the middle of the mess I had created with my life, He came for me.
In the middle of our mess, we need the message of the Messiah.
Not the message of “pray this prayer so you don’t go to hell”. Not the message of “clean up your life and then you’ll be acceptable”. Not the message of “try a little harder, do a little more”, or any of the other lies that have been embedded in our hearts. No, the message of the Messiah is a message of hope, grace, forgiveness, redemption and love. Real love. The love we’re aching for, even if we don’t know it yet. The love that Ephesians 2:4-6 so beautifully illustrates. I love the way it’s written in the the Amplified Bible:
“But God-so rich is He in His mercy! Because of and in order to satisfy the great and wonderful and intense love with which He loved us; Even when we were dead (slain) by [our own] shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ; [He gave us the very life of Christ Himself, the same new life with which He quickened Him, for] it is by grace (His favor and mercy which you did not deserve) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation). And He raised us up together with Him and made us sit down together [giving us joint seating with Him] in the heavenly sphere [by virtue of our being] in Christ Jesus (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
Because of and in order to satisfy His great, wonderful, intense love for me… even while I was dead, before I could choose anything for myself (because dead people don’t have choices), He gave me the same resurrecting life that raised Jesus from the dead. He came for me. And even after I received the life He offered (and really, the offer is to exchange death for life-my bad for His good-so why in the world do any of us wait to engage in that transaction???), He came for me. And He comes still. Because Love wants me to experience the fullest life-not only salvation from death. Love is stronger than my doubts, my fears, my unfaithfulness. Love rescues me from myself. Love rescues me from my enemies. Love is patient, kind, long-suffering.
The reason love is so strong is because love isn’t a thing that it is contingent or dependent on me, on us, on anything we can do. Love is found in the scars of Jesus. Scars that remain on a body that was willing to call us friends while we were still enemies, that sought us while we were strangers. A body that saw a beloved bride while she was still in the brothel. A body that was given in order to satisfy the love of a Father for all of His children.
How do I know what love is? I lean into the heart that has pursued mine since before He formed it. I meet love in the person of Jesus. I don’t believe I’ll “know” it fully until I’m forever in the presence of Love, Himself. Because this love, it’s too big to grasp. And that is okay with me. Because I didn’t come to the understanding of love that I have today all at once. It has taken time and patience and the relentless pursuit of a God that will never stop revealing His heart to me. My whole life is a love story being written moment by moment. I hope I’ll know more of His love tomorrow than I do today. That’s the beauty of relationship–it grows over time. And the journey is a passionate adventure of being pursued by a love that will not let me go.
How do you know what love is? Do you? What keeps you from knowing God’s love for you?
I love what Laura wrote, her vulnerability, her personal story, and will reiterate many of her points, but in a different way.
“I Want to Know What Love Is” by the band Foreigner was also going through my head, and I couldn’t shake it after church, so I went looking for what I could find. For those unfamiliar with the song, or needing a refresher, some of the lyrics are:
I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over. I better read between the lines, in case I need it when I’m older. Now this mountain I must climb, feels like a world upon my shoulders. Through the clouds I see love shine. It keeps me warm as life grows colder. In my life, there’s been heartache and pain, I don’t know if I can face it again. Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far, to change this lonely life.
I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me. I wanna feel what love is. I know you can show me.
I’m gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me. I’ve got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me…
This song, written by Mick Jones and Lou Gramm in 1984, hit the #1 spot in the UK, the USA, Australia, topped charts in South Africa, Switzerland, Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden, was in the top 25 on Contemporary recurrent charts in 2000, 2001, and 2002, and is on Rolling Stone Magazine’s list of one of the greatest songs of all time. Why?
The song mentions a “you”, but it is definitely not a typical “love” song. It is a plea. It is a journey. It is a search for real love. I don’t even know if the writer knows who the “you” is that he’s crying out to. In my view, it could very easily be a prayer-the desperate cry of someone who is lost, who is lonely, who knows that love exists but doesn’t know how to access it. It could be you. It has been me. I believe that we are all created with a deep hunger to know what love is, and John beautifully pointed out in his sermon that Love is a person. Love of objects, love of only the physical realm will always fall short. But the Love of God–nothing compares. Even as I typed that last sentence, I went back and capitalized the word “Love”–the Love of God is Jesus. God demonstrates His love for us through Jesus.
When John was making the point that God’s love is not weak, that it is powerful–I was struck by a phrase in the scripture 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
A quick glance at that scripture would lead us to believe that Paul is saying that every person with breath in their lungs and a beating heart should be compelled to live for God. However, the wording of the phrase “that those who live should no longer live for themselves” gives the verse another layer.
Ephesians 2:1-6 that Laura highlighted above reminds us that we were all dead. It reads like this in the NLT:
“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.”
In the 2nd Corinthians passage, Paul is saying–those of you who are now alive because you have a relationship with Christ, those of you who have experienced His love in a personal way, will now be unable– because of that powerful love- to live the way you did before. His LOVE–He, Jesus, through the power of His Holy Spirit will compel you to live for Him and join Him in His mission to take His love to everyone. Every person on the face of the planet is already loved by God; however, they don’t all have relationship with God, they are not yet alive, but they don’t know it. They do not know that they are loved. They do not know what real love is. And we do. And we used to be just like them–dead–and now we’re alive…
So what do we do– how do we show them? First, we have to have received God’s love ourselves. Do you know that you are truly, completely, totally, loved by God? Do you know that He proved that love for you by sending Jesus to take the condemnation that your sins deserved so that you don’t ever have to be condemned, and so that you can live in freedom, no guilt, live with incredible purpose, and live full of the fruit of the Holy Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. Do you know in the core of your being, not just in your head, that you are loved? I hope so, because it’s true, and it is the starting point and the fuel for an ongoing adventure with God and the abundant life that Jesus promises. It’s that love that makes us hunger to spend time with God, it’s that love that opens our eyes to the needs of others around us, it’s that love that changes and transforms our lives, it’s that love that makes us fall in love with Him in return, it’s that love that keeps us out of duty bound religion and living in a more beautiful relationship than we ever thought possible. Have you received, embraced, accepted His love? Is that the place from which you live? I remember after my season of self-destruction, that in my return to God I thought I would always be a second class citizen in the Kingdom because I had screwed up so badly. I thought that He would never really be able to, or want to use me. That’s a lie. And when I finally began to embrace the truth of how incredible His love is, how all encompassing His love is, how powerful His love is, how forgiving His love is, and let that sink in–it changed me forever; it is still changing me. Knowing -in the intimate sense- His love– that’s first.
Second, we love the world the way that we are loved by God–gently, subtly, by wooing through acts of kindness and care rather than chasing; by requesting and inviting rather than demanding and placing expectations and obligations upon others; by whispering rather than shouting, by choosing to love rather than making people earn it; and by showing the power and strength of the love of God by being willing to share our stories and show our scars, just like Jesus did– remembering that our scars are evidence that a Healer exists.
Many are crying out– “I want to know what love is, I want you to show me.”
If you are the one crying out, I want to show you! God, through His love has changed my life! If you are not the one crying out, are you willing to be the “you”? Are you willing to share your story, show your scars, and be an instrument of love in the hands of the LOVE of God? Have you already had opportunity to do that? We’d love to hear your story!