Stories—Dave H.

Around two months ago I was praying over the state of the church in America (which I do often), I was lamenting  the fact that the Jesus portrayed by many doesn’t look anything like the Jesus of the Bible; I was asking God how on earth we got so sidetracked—so mean, and asking Him to open our eyes, open our hearts, lead us to corporate repentance, and draw us back to the simplicity of the gospel message.

As I was praying, God led me to ponder one of the verses that is often used to “lead people to the Lord”—Romans 10:9  “…If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” As I thought about that verse, it dawned on me that we typically emphasize confess with your mouth  and believe in your heart, but the heart of that verse is Jesus is LORD. I believe some of us have missed that  along the way.

The word “Lord” is Kyrios in the Greek. and according to Strong’s Concordance, Lord means: He to whom a person or thing belongs…the owner; one who has control of the person; the master. 

When we surrender our lives to the lordship of Christ—we are saying, You own me. You are my master. You get to decide what my life is going to be about. I choose to obey you. That’s a concept that sounds scary and unpleasant, and would be if another human were our Lord—but belonging to Jesus and letting him lead us is where real life is found.

So, Sunday morning in our stories series, as Dave shared his story, my mind went right to this place. Dave shared with us that he was raised in church. When he was 7 or 8 years old he decided that he probably ought to be baptized, because he knew it was the right thing to do. So he went forward, said all the right things, got baptized, and left the church that morning unchanged. In his words, he went in dry and came out wet.

I can relate to that part of Dave’s story; When I was a child, our church showed a Billy Graham film during the Sunday evening service and many of my eight year old friends and I went forward at the end of that film. It seemed like the right thing to do, and I was not going to be left out! Many of my friends went on to be baptized shortly after that, but my pastor—who just so happened to be my dad—said that he wanted me to wait. I was really frustrated with him. I thought it was unfair that my friends were being baptized, but not me. In retrospect,  I am deeply grateful for my dad’s wisdom and discernment. He knew that I hadn’t had a real encounter with Jesus—I was just doing the right thing so I could be part of the group. The following summer, the real Jesus made His presence known to me in my bedroom. Can’t explain that, but He was there. I felt His love and I knew I would never be the same. I made my decision to follow Him public in my church, and was baptized a short time later. (Interestingly, even though I had a very real encounter with Jesus, when life got hard a few years later, I chose to try to be Lord of my own life (which was disastrous), but the Holy Spirit never left me alone and even though there were very real consequences to my choices, God never left me; he wooed me constantly.)

Dave confessed that he had been a pretender for a lot of years. He went to church, he even went to Bible College, but he knew that He didn’t have a relationship with God. He also knew that God was pursuing him, but he ignored God’s pursuit, tried to push it to the back of his mind. (I love that God pursues us when we don’t know Him, and he pursues us when we’ve wandered away from Him.) In Dave’s story, it took his life falling apart, bringing him to the end of himself and his perceived self-sufficiency to finally realize that his only hope was Jesus alone. He cried out—he says he literally cried, bawled his eyes out, and cried out to God. He knew, just like I did in my bedroom, that Jesus saved him in that moment and the Holy Spirit entered his life. He immediately felt peace, joy, relief, loved—all the beautiful inexplicable things that come with surrender. His life has never been the same.

That’s what happens when we come into a real relationship with Jesus. We know that something beautiful and supernatural has taken place in our lives, and we know that we will never be the same. We want Him to be Lord, to be our Master, to take control of our lives and lead us. We want to do life His way. It’s not a burden, it’s a joy.

Dave closed first service by saying these words: Some of you may be able to relate to my story. Some of you may be pretenders, running from God. If you are in that place, I would beg and urge you to get out of that place and give your life to Jesus Christ. It matters not what anyone else thinks—the only thing that matters is your personal relationship with Christ. What matters most at the end of the day is a personal relationship with Jesus. 

Dave is no longer a pretender. He says that when God became real to him, he himself became real. Many of us, who have known Dave for the last six or so years have been honored to watch him transform from the inside out. He was gruff, argumentative, and a little scary when he first came around. Now, it’s hard to describe what a gentle man he is. Joy flows out of him. His worship is uninhibited, he is full of generosity and encouragement… I love that. Nothing is better than submitting to the only true Lord, becoming the real people we were made to be, living out the purpose for which we were created. When we live that way, the fruit of that relationship spills out and over onto those around us, and it’s that love, and the kindness of the Lord that draws people to Him.

It used to be that church was part of Dave’s life, but Christ wasn’t. That is no longer the truth in Dave’s life, and the evidence of Christ in his life is real.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:21 that ˆnot everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” 

Dave admits that in the past he went through the Christian motions, he looked okay on the outside, but his life was filled with inner turmoil, until he came into a real relationship with a very real, very loving God through Jesus. Now when he calls Jesus his Lord, it’s not just a phrase, it’s his life.

What about you? Do you really know Him? Has your life been changed because of Him? Have you done more than said words with your mouth, have you surrendered your life to Him as your Lord in the truest sense of that word? I hope so. Everything in your life hinges on this one choice. He is so worth it! Nothing compares to His love.

—Luanne

Dave said he was a “pretender” most of his life. So was I. Our stories are different, but that word and its synonyms still prick my heart a little when I hear them. Maybe that’s because a little bit of the old me still fights for life deep down in my heart. Occasionally, she surfaces. And as much as I would rather hide, God is nudging me to share a little more about my own story here. The tears welling up as I write are evidence of the resistance in my heart. This is a vulnerable, tender space… But I know that to grow, we have to be willing to risk. To risk vulnerability, to risk being misunderstood-the way Dave risked this weekend.

Like Dave, I gave my life to Jesus as a young child. I was eight years old. Soon after, I was baptized. Also like Dave, I looked like a “Christian” on the outside. But this is where our stories begin to look different. I bought my own act…

Did you know that you can get so good at pretending that you eventually believe it yourself?

I didn’t know that. I didn’t know I was pretending. I didn’t know that having a relationship with Jesus actually meant freedom from pretending and permission to be real. That wasn’t my experience. As I understood it, living for Jesus-doing it “right”-took work. A lot of work. So I waded deeper and deeper into the pool of perfectionism. I was great at it. So great at it, in fact, that it would take years before I began to see it for what it was.

I will say right here that I believe my relationship with Jesus began the day my eight-year-old little girl heart chose to accept His gift of salvation. I sensed Him, and in ways I couldn’t understand, I loved Him and longed for Him. And He accepted me right where I was, with whatever faith I had then. He pursued me throughout my childhood, He pursued me through all of my pretending, and He pursues me today. I don’t believe my salvation was in question. But I had no idea what it meant to live real.

I was in elementary school the first time someone called me “fake”. My feelings were hurt for reasons I couldn’t yet articulate. But mostly, I just didn’t understand. I was a model student, teacher’s pet, obedient daughter, nice to everyone. I read my bible and I told my friends about Jesus. I was exactly who I was expected to be. If those expectations changed, so did I. I thought that’s what good girls did

That wouldn’t be the last time the word “fake” was used to describe me. It kept happening as I grew up. I still didn’t understand, and I grew more and more defensive at the accusation. It felt mean, like an attack on my very identity. It would still be years before I began to discover what my real identity is…

Fast forward to my early twenties… As an adult, married woman with children, things looked good on the outside. I had made awful decisions as a teenager, when the perfectionism couldn’t be maintained and rebellion took over. But now, I was faithful in church, serving in multiple areas, growing in my relationship with God.

And I was exhausted. So tired of the upkeep this inner perfectionist demanded. But by now, the “fake” was so much a part of me, it was the realest thing I knew. The verse “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) became my favorite in that season of my life-I wanted that so badly. But I had no idea how to be still. There was too much to be done, too many people to perform for.

We started attending FBC in May 2010. And God, in His goodness, began to deconstruct everything I believed about Him-and about myself.

The journey has been unbelievably painful. And unexpectedly beautiful…

As I entered into life and serving at FBC, I began to hear familiar things from people who didn’t know me well. They wanted me to be real, authentic, to stop performing. And I took offense. I got defensive. The little girl who always felt like a victim was hyper-aware of how unsafe this felt. But something was different this time… These people called me out for the fraud I was-AND, they were willing to help me out of the pit. I hadn’t experienced this before. I had been accused of much in the past. I had gotten used to hearing hurtful things. But I wasn’t used to people coming alongside me in my pain and offering me the help I didn’t know I needed. The journey to becoming real-there aren’t really words to adequately capture how painful it can be. But like Dave, I found myself tired of running and desperate for Jesus. And God, in His constant, perfect pursuit of me, used people who were real to teach me what I was missing in my relationship with Him. I was never going to live into the purpose and calling He had for me until I learned who “me” really was. You know what? I found out that I actually like me. And other people do, too. God loved me at every stage of my growth, in His perfect way. But He wanted me to love me, too. To find myself within His love, as His Beloved. He knew of course, that everything flows out of the knowledge that I am fully known and fully loved by Him. And freedom would come when I was willing to be fully known and fully loved by others. And, it was only then that I was truly free to love my neighbor. All of my neighbors.

I wish I could tell you that one day I woke up and the “pretender” I’d been was completely gone, never to be seen again. But that wouldn’t be true…

I still struggle. There are times I find myself performing as I sing, rather than worshiping. Other times I gauge my gift as a writer by how many likes a blog post gets. Sometimes, I hide my hurt feelings from my friends, and ignore my own convictions in order to keep the peace. I say I’m fine when I need to reach out. I hide behind others because I’m afraid of my own calling. I don’t step out for fear that I’m still a fraud. There’s so much more to this story, so many reasons for the pretending, so many examples of how that played (and sometimes still plays) out in my life… I’ll save that for another day. For now, what’s important is what Dave said at the end of what he shared. Luanne wrote it above, and I’m writing it again because it’s just that important:

“It matters not what anybody else thinks. The only thing that matters is your personal relationship with Jesus Christ”. We can say the prayer, get dunked in the water, and still not submit our lives to the Lordship of Jesus. We can even think we’re doing it right, and so deceive ourselves. But when things get hard, when we find ourselves in pits of our own digging, that’s where the truth comes out. Is Jesus really ALL to us? Have we become who He knit us to be in our mother’s wombs before one of our days came to be? (Psalm 139:13-16) Or have we chosen a counterfeit version of His original creation? Have we become pretenders even in our pursuit of Him? I lived so much of my life as a pretender. I hated myself and other people weren’t too fond of me either… But what matters now is what mattered then-Jesus thought I was worth pursuing. He had more for me, like He had more for Dave. Like He has more for you. I never want to go backwards-and I pray that by His grace and constant pursuit of me, I won’t. Freedom, realness, knowing the real God-there’s nothing on earth that compares. Are you pretending? Will you let Him love you past all the striving and bravely lay down the masks so you can experience living real, too?

–Laura

brennan manning

Something Had to Die

You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!”? Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires. Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Colossians 2:20-3:4)

Being made alive in Christ is both a one-time transaction and a continual process. This is one of many concepts that Beau presented to us as we continued our journey through Colossians this week. He shared with us two of the things that happen within us when we give our lives to Jesus:

-Salvation: being reconciled, put back into right relationship with God

-Sanctification: re-creation by God, being set apart to a sacred purpose

Salvation happens immediately. It is not in any way dependent on anything we say or do. It is the transition from death to life. Sanctification, though, is a lifelong process of being changed from the inside out until the image of Christ shines in us. I love the verse from Ephesians that Beau used in his sermon:

And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. (Ephesians 4:24 Message)

This God-fashioned life, this life that is renewed from the inside and works itself into our conduct–it is produced in us “as God accurately reproduces his character in [us]”. So, sanctification, this re-creation process, it’s something God does, not us, right? Like salvation?

Yes… but, there is more to this piece. Beau articulated that we can be alive without really living. We can breathe and eat and drink and be “alive” in the most basic definition of the word. Paul reaffirmed in his letter to the Colossians that they had “died with Christ” and been set free from the spiritual powers of this world. But they were not experiencing real life. They hadn’t fully become new, though they were new creations in Christ. They were following rules and thinking of earthly things, still caught up in “this life”. Does that resonate with anyone? Paul is asking them “Why?” in this passage. He reminds them that their “real life is hidden with Christ in God”. 

Beau shared about the process of coming alive in Christ in his life. It reminded me of my own process…

When I gave my heart to Jesus as a little girl, I crossed from death to life by the free, un-earnable gift of salvation. I was alive in Him. There were moments of growth in those early years.

When I recommitted my life to Him as a teenager, there was a degree of surrender. A knowing that the life I was “living” wasn’t really life the way God wanted me to experience life.

But I didn’t really experience “coming alive” in Christ until I was ready to die to myself. Not partially. Not only in certain areas… in everything. The experiences of my childhood and youth and early adulthood were undeniably steps on the sanctification journey. And, like Beau said, I haven’t “arrived” at my fully sanctified state-of-being. I wholeheartedly believe and expect that we won’t reach that point until we kneel before our Savior in heaven. We are in process during our entire time on earth-I see that as one of the clearest marks of God’s nearness and faithfulness to us–that He never leaves us where we are. He keeps coming to us, to work on our condition and reproduce His character within us… if we allow Him to do so.

It wasn’t that many years ago that I understood in a new way what it meant to die to myself and be made alive in Christ. I, like the Colossians, was good at following rules. My life was one full of pretense–which is “professed, rather than real, intention or purpose”. I was focused more on my kingdom than the Kingdom of God. Earthly things had my attention. There were times my sights were set on things above–but it didn’t take much to distract me and take my eyes of the path ahead. I had my salvation. I was “alive”. But I wanted the sanctification part to be on my terms. So the life I was experiencing was not the fullness of life that God desired for me to have in Him. And somewhere along my journey, I started to crave more. I didn’t know what that “more” was yet. I had no idea how much it would cost, or how much dying would be involved. But somewhere along the way, I knew I had a choice to make…

Before church on Sunday, I was reading in Deuteronomy 30 and I paused and wrote down these verses in my journal:

“…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life…” (vs.19-20)

The words came to mind again as I listened to the sermon.

Choose life…For the Lord is your life…

We get to choose. We move from death to life in the moment we are saved by grace. But, as He has since the very beginning, God gives us choices. We get to have as much of God as we want. How much do we want? It’s easy to say that we want all of Him. All that He has to offer. All of the fruits of His Spirit. The very fullest life in Him. But just as Jesus had to die in order to be resurrected, fullness of life in Him can only be created in us if we are willing to fully die to ourselves.

Beau said that sanctification “requires being in and with Christ daily” and, “To be in and with Christ is to identify with Christ in death and resurrection”.

We can’t experience one without the other. We cannot be resurrected, made new, made alive without being willing to die first.

Surrendering our whole lives-our desires, dreams, expectations, fears, hopes-before God, choosing to die to our own kingdoms–it doesn’t feel safe. But each time we say yes to God’s re-creation process within us, each time we choose His Kingdom over ours, we come to life a little more. Because that’s where our “real life” is found.

Beau summed up this very complex passage with the phrase:

“Truly living is right position, working on condition“. 

Our very first step is being put back into right position before God-salvation. The rest comes after that. We don’t work on our own condition before coming to Christ. And we aren’t the ones who work on it afterwards, either. Legalistic rule-following, trying harder to be better–this doesn’t get us saved and it isn’t what makes us sanctified. It is God who works on our condition, as the Ephesians 4 verse beautifully states. We simply have to be willing to let Him. We have to be willing to die. Because for something to be made alive, something always has to first die.

What is God asking us to die to this week? Where have we chosen a lesser life? Are we willing to lay it all down, to die to ourselves, so that we can experience the fullness of life God desires each of us to have? I am pondering these questions again and I hope you will, too.

–Laura

life from death

 

Can I Have the Best of Both Worlds?

The “Big Questions” series at church has been excellent, and the question “Can I Have the Best of Both Worlds” was incredibly thought provoking. It was heavy, it was excellent, it was true.  The answer to “can I have the best of both worlds” is no. We can not have the best of both worlds. We have to choose.

I don’t know about you, but I am in a constant wrestling match with that truth. My western mind set is way too focused on the material world. I have weight to lose because of the over-abundance of food that surrounds me; I have to buy new hangers because my closet is full; every few months I take bags of items to the Rescue Mission to donate, and still have way too much.

Twice in my adult life, I have gotten rid of almost all of my worldly possessions, the first time was when we moved overseas to be missionaries, and the second time was when we moved back. There was something so freeing about being rid of all the stuff. It really felt good. However, in both places, I managed to fill my house with stuff. Why?

And then, John’s point about sin being fun. We are drawn to it because it is enticing. Something about it appeals to us or we wouldn’t be tempted. I’m not tempted by things that don’t appeal to me, but other things can really draw me in. And, as is always the case, the end result is regret, or worse–captivity.

When I look at the “more stuff” trap, or the “sin” trap, or the “control” trap or the “safety” trap  it becomes apparent to me that in all of these situations I am trying to bless myself and/or meet my own needs. I am trying to be my own god.  And what is really true, I have no control of anything, but I can certainly live in the deception that I think I do.

Contrast that way of life with the other world–the Kingdom of Heaven world in which the One True God is King and it looks completely different.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 16  “If any of  you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?”

And in Matthew 6 verses 19-33 Jesus tells us not to worry about what we’re going to wear, what we’re going to eat–he reminds us that the stuff of this world is temporary, it rusts, it gets destroyed–he reminds us that our Father knows what we need and He will provide as we seek His Kingdom first.

In John 16:33 Jesus tells us that in this world we will have trouble, but not to be dismayed because he has overcome the world. And he is pretty frank about the fact that we will suffer for his name’s sake.  All of this is only temporary as well, yet  it is a temporary that is worth something for eternity.

In addition, Jesus also tells us that only in him do we have life (John 14:6), only in Him is that life abundant (John 10:10) only in him do we have the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control), only in him do our lives have purpose and meaning, only in him will we be able to bear fruit that will last (John 15:16), and only in him are we freed from the smallness of living for self.

I loved the list that John ended his sermon with–it went something like this:

There is only One who is our refuge, only One who comes toward us when everyone else is moving away, only One who saves us, only One who will not condemn, only One who transforms our lives, only One who gives us life eternal, only One who fills us with purpose, only One who is trustworthy, only One who is constant, only One who is always present, only One whose name is Love. He is where true life is found.

And what’s true is that I have experienced this. I know that it is true, and that nothing in this world compares. I know that simple living and simply following Jesus is freeing and fulfilling. Yet still I wrestle. Ugh! Thank you, Paul, for letting me know in Romans 7:24 that you struggled too: “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin…  Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”

So, where does this bring me? I find myself again facing the challenge that Joshua laid out before the Israelites:

..Fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped… Serve the Lord alone. 15 But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:14-15 NLT)

Will I serve the false, lying gods of self, of selfishness, self preservation, self protection, of stuff, of trying to control my own life, my own destiny…or will I choose total surrender to His way? I can’t have both. Either He is God, or I am god. Today, I repent of how out of balance I have become and am making the choice to choose Him, His kingdom,  and His ways again.  I feel some purging coming on….

How about you? Is this a struggle for you as well? If it is not a struggle for you, how do you maintain proper perspective and balance in this materialistic, self-sufficient society of ours?

–Luanne

I wish I didn’t share this struggle. It would be lovely to be able to say that I have great perspective and balance and that the temptation to live with one foot in each world is not a problem I can relate to. But the truth is, this is an ongoing wrestling match in my life. Luanne wrote,

“Will I serve the false, lying gods of self, of selfishness, self preservation, self protection, of stuff, of trying to control my own life, my own destiny…or will I choose total surrender to His way?”

I want to always choose surrender to His way. I know what happens when I choose otherwise. Yet, I find myself choosing myself over and over again. Why?? Because these false gods whisper lies that sound like promises. These “promises” speak to the places in me that long for fairness. For safety. For stability. The places that are afraid of change, tired of grieving and desperate for control.

These “promises” are skillfully worded to hit each of us where we are the most vulnerable, the most desperate. And, unfortunately, sometimes I buy it. I believe the hissing lies and I white-knuckle them. I hang on until, inevitably, the lies are exposed as such and I’m left disappointed, brokenhearted and, again, asking why.

John talked about one lie that targets our desire for fairness, the one that says if we follow God, if we do what He asks, if we’re good, we’ll be “healthy, wealthy and wise”. And he also identified that we all know that isn’t true. We all know someone whose story defies this lie. Friends who love Jesus-and are battling cancer. Family members who have done everything right-and find themselves in a state of financial ruin. For me, I think of my mama. She lived her life for her kids, for others, most of all for Jesus-and she died of a terrible disease in her mid-fifties.

So what do we do with all of that? John asked us these questions regarding the unfairness of life:

“Where can you run? When it’s you? When it’s someone you love? Who will be with you then? Who will be your refuge?

And as I pondered his words, these words came to mind:

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”  Psalm 139:7-10

When the promises this world makes are exposed, when we find ourselves trapped in a cage built by our own hands, when we experience the unfairness and instability of our ever-changing world and we find ourselves all alone… He is there. Not to shame us for being so stupid, not to mock our lack of self-control, not to condemn us for foolishly running after idols. No. He is there to remind us that there is nowhere we can go that He won’t find us. Nowhere too dark that He won’t stoop low to meet us. As John said, Jesus is the only one who wants to be a part of our world when it’s unfair, unsafe and fading away, when our dreams and hopes are dying. He’s the one who will wait for us, walk with us, stay with us. In Hebrews 13:5, we are reminded of His promise to be with us:

Let your character [your moral essence, your inner nature] be free from the love of money [shun greed—be financially ethical], being content with what you have; for He has said, “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” (AMP Bible)

Can we have the best of both worlds? No. We can’t serve both God and ourselves. Will life be hard? Yes. Whether we do it God’s way or our way, we are guaranteed that life will sometimes be unfair and unsafe and we will have trouble. But we have a God who says He will never, under any circumstances leave us or relax His grip on us. Even when we fail. Even when we buy the lies and find ourselves in a pit we created. Even there, in our brokenness, His hand will guide us and hold us fast. I am so grateful for His promise of “withness”. And I know that as I continue to find Him faithful and as I trust Him to lead me, my grip on the things of this world will loosen more and more each day.

Where do you run when life turns out to be unfair and unsafe? What do you cling to for stability, for control? Do the promises in the verses from Psalm 139 and Hebrews 13:5 comfort your heart? We would love to read your thoughts and questions!

–Laura

corrie ten boom

The Dailies #1: Dependency

Give us today our daily bread. Matthew 6:11

I am so excited about this new series John began this weekend! The series is titled “The Dailies”. We began this weekend with Dependency and we will continue looking at daily habits that will give us the momentum we need to create traction in our lives.We are being invited to discover daily disciplines that lead to our becoming true disciples of Jesus.

So this week’s “daily” is dependency. When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he included the words “Give us today our daily bread”. John reminded us that this prayer is intended to be a reflection of dependency, not a demand. Because demands, well, they create expectations. Expectations, whether met or unmet, create reactions within us. Unmet expectations create disappointment, fear and resentment. When our expectations are met, however, it creates a sense of entitlement. We are tempted to think-especially when it comes to God-that we’ve found the formula, we’re doing something right. This sounds a whole lot like eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that we talked about last month. (That post can be found here: Two Trees)

Dependency, unlike demand, produces gratitude. Gratitude, by nature, is full of humility and void of demands. Grateful dependency acknowledges that we have need and that we cannot provide for our own need. It recognizes the Giver and thanks Him for the gifts. It lives in the now, in the present moment, and it lives fully alive and aware of this day.

John read this passage out of Deuteronomy:

When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.                                        Deuteronomy 6:10-12 (emphasis mine)

Cities you did not build… Houses filled with amenities you did not provide… Fresh, flowing water from wells you did not dig… A harvest you did not plant…

This short list applies to me and you, too, doesn’t it? In fact, I could add many more things that I have but did not provide for myself. The list of all that I have been given is extensive. What about you?

Be careful that you do not forget the Lord…

I believe that most who will read this are like me, in that excess is part of our lives. Excess in itself is not a bad thing.But we are in danger of forgetting the Lord when our dependency shifts from the Giver to what has been given. What do you do with your excess? What do I do with mine? Do we even see the excess that we possess or are we so living from a place of lack that we cannot see the abundance of what we’ve been given?

When John talked about our daily bread, he referenced Proverbs 30:8-9:

 … give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

He offered that when we live from a place of lack, when we desire excess so we can relax and live more comfortably, we completely bypass asking God for our daily bread and we ask for (demand, perhaps?) the entire bakery.

Here’s the thing about the bakery, though–it looks great and offers a sense of security, but it’s too much for one day. None of us need that much bread for today. There is so much excess in the bakery.

Yet, many of us have been given the whole bakery…

What are we doing with what we’ve been given? Do we even recognize that we have been given the bakery? There are so many thoughts swirling in my mind around this concept.

If God wants us to live dependent on Him for our daily bread, why has He given so many of us a whole bakery? What do we do with all the extra at the end of each day? Do we wrap it up safely and put it in the freezer to store it for another day? Just in case tomorrow’s manna doesn’t come?

Bakeries don’t save their excess bread. The mark of a good bakery is that it is filled with the freshest bread each day. Old bread gets stale and hard and eventually goes bad, regardless of how it is stored. Bakeries do one of two things with their leftovers:

They either throw it away… or they give it away

What are we doing with all of our excess? Are we trying to hoard it, save it, fearful of a day when we might find ourselves without enough? Are we eating our fill and carelessly discarding the rest? Or are we eating today’s bread with open hands and grateful hearts, living present in each moment, taking only what we need and giving the rest away?

John said, “Living in the moment today displaces the fears of tomorrow”, and that, “Daily dependence reminds us of God’s faithfulness”. He reminded us that today is all we have. Today is all we need. And today is all we can handle. He also said that what we do with our today impacts our tomorrow.

I can think of no better way to impact tomorrow than to give the excess of today away. To gratefully receive today’s bread, humbly take only what I need and trust that tomorrow’s manna will be enough. Trusting that God will show up again tomorrow allows us to live with open hands, willing to let go of the extra we don’t need so that someone else can have what they need. May our lives be marked by grateful dependency on the Giver of all that we need…

–Laura

Some years ago, my husband’s former college roommate came to visit us. We were hanging out in the kitchen, delicious food bubbling away on the stove–my high school age kids were in the kitchen with us and we were laughing and enjoying one another’s company. John Boy, as we affectionately call him, asked the question “Does the present really exist? Think about it…as seconds tick by it’s past, future, past, future, past, future…Is there really such a thing as the present?” Even though he was being silly, I pondered that question for years. I still ponder it from time to time.

In John Chapter 11, Martha is grieving and a little miffed at Jesus for not having shown up before her brother Lazarus died. She says to him…“Lord… if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Past tense. She goes on to say… “But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Present tense. Jesus assures her that Lazarus will rise again, and her response takes her out of the present and into future tense: “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Then Jesus makes a powerful, powerful statement:
I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Jesus refers to himself, his state of being in the present tense.

                                                  I AM.  

He tells us that present tense living, present tense believing in him, leads to life. The one who believes in me now, in this moment…

Isaiah 26:3 gives us a glimpse of what this looks like: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” (ESV) The verbs are in the present tense.

As I write this, I am in my daughter’s house in Alabama with my precious 9 month old granddaughter. We live far away from her, so every moment we have together is precious. In the past, I have robbed myself of the gift of the present by living in countdown mode—”I only have this many days left, this many hours left”— I am through with that!!!! It robs me of the joy of this moment. So yesterday when she took a nap and held my hand for 30 minutes, I did not think about what I had to do next. I relished the moment. When I fed her and rocked her to sleep, I did not think about what I had to do next. The moment I was in was precious, so I chose to step out of time and allowed that moment to be all I focused on.

After listening to John’s sermon and being in a place to observe the actions, the total dependence  of this little one, I am keenly aware that she has no thought of ticking seconds. When she senses a need, she communicates that she has a need. When she plays, she constantly looks back to make sure that she is being watched– that she hasn’t been left alone, and (my favorite) she frequently crawls to me (or her mommy or daddy), climbs over our legs, connects with us by touch and then heads off again. She imitates our actions, our sounds as she learns to become like us, she responds to us as we respond to her, and in the really precious moments, this busy busy little girl rests in our arms and lets us hold her close.

My desire is to remember this–to live like this in my relationship with Christ–connecting with him, taking my needs to Him, trusting Him to be present, not worried about yesterday or tomorrow, but knowing that He is more than sufficient in the now. I want to live in the “I Am” of Him-trusting Him for today’s bread, knowing that His presence In The Now is more than sufficient for all the moments of life.

–Luanne

enough-bread

Bow Your Knees

Psalm 96: 6-7  “Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord our maker. For he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care.”

As I ponder Sunday’s sermon, and I ponder what it means to kneel before God in adoration, in pursuit, in submission, and in confession, I am struck by the open and outward expression of each person or group of people that John highlighted on Sunday.

The wisemen bowed down and worshiped him. (Mt. 2:11) The humility of that action–grown men bowing to a toddler–it must have looked strange, but they knew that He was God-sent. They knew that He was special. They knew that He was worthy of reverence, of honor, and they used their physical bodies to demonstrate their heart attitude. Do I? Do we?

The rich young ruler chased after Jesus in pursuit of the answer to his questions. John pointed out that he knew how to walk in a religious way, but not in a relationship way. The young man knew enough to know that Jesus had the answers that he was seeking. And he, like the wise men, knew that Jesus was special, different, so he knelt before him in reverence.  Even though the young man chose not to sell his possessions and follow Jesus, he received the answers to his questions. (Luke 18:18-23) The answer wasn’t what he wanted, so he chose religion over relationship, and comfort over sacrifice. Do I? Do we? Do we continue to take our questions to Jesus? Have I transitioned from pursuing answers to pursuing Jesus no matter what the answer is? Have you?

Jesus is the perfect model of submission. His submission was not without wrestling; however in his wrestling, he moved toward God and not away from Him. I love that Jesus is completely honest and totally transparent. He expresses his desired outcome, and then surrenders it all to the will of the Father. To truly follow Christ means to live a life of submission. I think honest wrestling is often involved. The bottom line is, am I secure enough in His love to trust Him? And from that place of love and trust, am I going to choose His will over my own? It’s not always easy. I had a situation last weekend where God brought a need to my attention. I had the means to meet that need, but meeting that need meant giving away an item that I had some emotional attachment to. I knew that the right thing was to give, and I did give; however, I wrestled, and even cried over letting go of an inanimate object that no one in my house is using or will use. I heard Levi Lusko on K-Love later that same day talking about how being obedient to God often goes against our feelings. Learning to trust God and obey Him over what we feel is true submission. Sometimes that’s hard for me. Is it for you?

And then dear Peter, kneeling in confession. (Luke 5). Peter was doing his daily thing. His normal activity. Jesus showed up in the middle of a normal day and all of a sudden the normal day was a sacred, life-changing day. Peter let Jesus use his boat. Peter was willing to cast his fishing net again, despite not catching anything all night, and when the miraculous catch happened, Peter was able to see that Jesus was no ordinary man. Just like the wise men, he was compelled to fall to his knees. He recognized his own sinfulness in the presence of Jesus, and asked Jesus to leave him. He knew that he did not deserve to be in the presence of God. Yet here it is, the beauty of our God–He would not leave. Instead, he issued an invitation. Our sin is a reason to kneel before Jesus–not pull away.  Our honest confession draws us closer to Him. Jesus shows us that our worth is far greater than what the voice of shame whispers to us. He assures us that He’s not going to abandon us, and He issues an invitation that leads to life. Real life. Am I willing to kneel and confess? Are you?

The presence and person of God in our midst, in our lives, is an awe-inspiring miracle. May we not be afraid to outwardly express our thanks, our reverence, our worship. “Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord, our God, our Maker…”

–Luanne

“To truly follow Christ means to live a life of submission.”

I wholeheartedly agree with Luanne’s assertion above. Becoming a follower of Christ-beyond simply believing-is all about surrendering our will, this daily dying to self that Jesus spoke about and modeled so perfectly.

Luke 9:23 (NLT): Then he [Jesus] said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me”.

If we truly want to follow, we must choose the way of submission. But we don’t like the sound of that, do we? Somehow, we believe that submission implies weakness. Is that what comes to mind when you hear the word submit? One of the definitions of the word “submission” is: “the act of accepting the authority or control of someone else”. I think sometimes when we hear and use this word, it is with the idea that submission is something that is forced on us. But the definition above uses the words “the act of accepting”. This clearly shows us that submission is a choice. An action, even. We can absolutely choose not to accept the authority or control of someone else. But if that someone else happens to be God, we will find ourselves in a place that can be very dangerous for us. I think of the warning from scripture that John used in the conclusion of Sunday’s sermon:

“But be careful. Don’t let your heart be deceived so that you turn away from the Lord and serve and worship other gods.” Deuteronomy 11:16

See, we can choose not to submit, not to bend our hearts and our knees before God. But we will bow to something. We are built to worship. We will worship and bow and submit whether we’re aware of it or not. My kids’ Advent devotional said this last week:

“Now every heart beating in every person is made and wired to worship something. You might not be able to tell from the outside, but every one of us is bowing down to something. And if you don’t choose to bow to the one real God, you’ll bow down before a fake God–some Baal. See, Baal isn’t just the name of one fake god; it’s the name for anything we set our hearts on besides God. There’s the Baal of bigger toys and the Baal of more stuff and the Baal of me, me, me. It’s always our ugly Baals that keep us from the unstoppable, unfailing love of God.” (Unwrapping the Greatest Gift, Ann Voskamp)

“The Baal of me, me, me…”

I don’t always want to take up my cross and follow… because I don’t always want to deny myself. Self always gets in the way of living a surrendered life. Because a life lived on bended knee has to begin with bending the heart. And, “the heart is deceitful above all things…” (Jeremiah 17:9)

So how, then, do we turn away from the little “g” gods of self, of stuff, of all that distracts?

Let’s revisit John’s points about kneeling, but this time, let’s go backwards.

We know we are sinful, that our sinful hearts don’t want to bow to our God-so we kneel in confession, like Peter did when Jesus’ holiness magnified his own sinfulness. Once we kneel in confession and we find that the love and forgiveness of God meets us there, we will find the choice to kneel in submission much easier-because we’ve experienced the love of the One we are submitting to. And when we confess and submit and we begin to see just how great our God is, we will long to kneel in pursuit of Him, to ask the hard questions and seek to follow Him as He takes us deeper. And once we have experienced God in these ways, kneeling in adoration comes naturally. Because we’ve been wooed to our knees, not forced there.

To submit, to bow, to kneel-it is always a choice. But not a choice of if we will do things things, because we will. The question is, to what will we submit, bow down to, kneel before? I want my answer to always be Jesus, the One true King. But sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it’s family, lists, expectations, control. Often it’s plain and simply: me.

What about you? What do you find yourself bowing down to? What makes it so hard to choose to bow before God in your life? I hope we will all engage in the “honest wrestling” Luanne described earlier, and find ourselves as true followers of Jesus as a result.

–Laura

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